Juice Fast

Today starts day one of my juice fast. I am actually pretty pumped as I have been researching for a while and consulted my doctor.
So they goal is find a happy balance between the greens and the fruits. Drink number one tasted veggie heavy. I think if I add another apple it would have been really great.
Not a whole lot to say at this moment...will update at the end of the day.

My Glee Based Dream or Nightmare...still not sure which.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you remember parts of your sleep movie, but can't figure out if it was a dream or a nightmare?

Last night, my sleep movie baffled me. I woke up in a state of confusion. I didn't know whether to be afraid or to be mildly amused.

And now for your sheer enjoyment, this was my dream!!!

In the beginning,I dreamed that I was in a high school hallway of some kind. Everybody I knew was there, even Sir Oliver. In the middle of the dream through the Cafeteria door walks Rachel Berry. She was moving fast and when she got closer to me she grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the front doors. Waiting was Kurt and Mercedes in a Ford Explorer. I got in and looked at Mercedes who kept morphing into Finn. We drove for what seemed like hours and we got on highway 71. Once on the highway Fincedes spoke. Fincedes said " We are not going to make it." Rachel said "We are fine I know a shortcut." Kurt and I were in the back both looking out of our windows. For no reason at all I started to quietly sing "Someone To Watch Over Me." Rachel turned around from the front seat and said " Kurt you were right." We were coming up on an off ramp, when a guy wearing "Hammer" pants and sitting cross legged on a motorcycle pulled up beside us. He started waving his arms trying to get Fincedes to take the off ramp. Kurt started screaming, Rachel was crying and singing some Liza song that I couldn't quite recognize and Fincedes was now going 170 down the highway. I must have screamed "STOP!" because all of the sudden the car stopped moving. We were the only people on the road, and decided to get out of the car.

Suddenly the sky went black and thunder cracked and lightning lit up the sky. The road began to open up. Kurt started screaming again. Fincedes yelled "Get back to the car!" But none of us could move. Suddenly there before us was 200ft tall Sue Sylvester. Kurt fainted at the site of all that gym suit material. Fincedes was already back in the car and had put it in reverse. I was left with Rachel. The Sue Monster started yelling "YOU THINK THIS IS HARD?" while throwing coconuts at us. I turned to look at Rachel and was about to suggest that we run, when she suddenly morphed into Quinn. Quinn was now dressed in a hula skirt and started singing "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts." And just as quickly as the dream started it was over. I was back standing in the hallway of high school but this time I held one of those keyboard guitar things in my hands.

Peace

Let's Talk Turkey!

When you are a single person, like I happen to be, it can often be hard to cook things for one. But I decided this year to go ahead with my Thanksgiving festivities. Being a single person who often times can not make up her mind, did not get her turkey until the day before.

I rushed to a very crowded Super Walmart in the early morning on Thanksgiving Eve. I was mad because there were way too many and I had to 500 miles away in an area that I can only describe as the "Ghetto Parking Lot". It was just rocks and other angry shoppers.

I went straight to the Turkey Bin and looked in...and what did I find NOTHING!!! Panic and the smell of body odor from the guy next to me started to set in. I wrinkled my nose and thought " How are there no turkeys?" I was getting more upset and the odor was getting worse. I moved away and thought for a brief second. Then it happened right there in the Goose Bin were three misplaced turkey's. I was overjoyed!!! I was no longer panicked and I had successfully moved away from Mr. Stinky Head!!! I picked up the first turkey. 23 pounds...um no. I picked up the second turkey 21.blah pounds...WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!!!?? I touched the third turkey and said "Please dear Lord, please I don't want to eat a Swanson's frozen turkey dinner." I turned the tag around and 14.blah pounds stared at me. I immediately wondered if I should but thought I am alone and I don't need 14 pounds of turkey. But then I saw Mr. Stinky heading toward me, and I grabbed my 14 pound bird and ran.

Like Jerome Bettis I skillfully made my way to the checkout, cradling my prize. TOUCHDOWN!!!! But no there was a flag on the play and I was hit with a 20 people before me penalty! The crowd was restless, the booing seemed endless.

Once home I began to think of all the wonderful things that I could do with so much turkey. Cause "Who doesn't love turkey, Sir Oliver?" Sadly Sir Oliver could not answer because he was laughing to hard and secretly wishing for a Swanson's dinner.

Well folks I am here to tell you that A SINGLE PERSON ALONE ON THANKSGIVING DOES NOT NEED A 14 POUND TURKEY!!! There was turkey in the fridge for sandwiches, there is frozen turkey in freezer, there is still some homemade turkey noodle soup, there was curry turkey with onions, rice and veggies, and for no reason at all there was a strange concoction that the only thing I could identify was the turkey (it tasted good though) and finally the turkey smoothie which seemed like a really good idea and turned out to be a really really bad one. The fur kids are still laughing about the turkey smoothie, which ended up on the wall, counter, floor, sink Sir Oliver's food bowl and a nice little trail from my kitchen through my living room, bedroom and ended in my bathroom.

So what did I learn from my Thanksgiving Holiday experience? Turkey smoothies are hard to get out of the carpet!!!

The Adventures of the Fur Kids: The Fourth of July Weekend

Greeting from Sir Oliver and Zeus!!

We hope that you had an awesome 4th of July weekend, we know that we did! So this particular adventure is not so much an adventure as it is a story about Mother.

As some of you know, Mother took me(Sir Oliver) out for a nightly two mile walk on July 4th. The walk had to be rescheduled because the children down the street were setting off fireworks and my poor little doggie heart could not handle it. The sound was terrifying and I got so scared that I tinkled all and then laid in it. Well of course Mother got upset and that landed me in tub!! I hate the tub and I made that clear by jumping out covered in bubbles and ran out the door. Zeus as usual popped out of his hiding space and started laughing. Eventually the screaming stopped and I was back in the tub. That cat kept laughing, so when I was all nice and clean, I did not shake the water on mother as usual. Nope!! I walked right up to the laughing kitty and shook like a wild beast. Zeus stopped laughing.

Moving on to the best part of this Holiday weekend. So last night Mother and I waited till almost 11pm to take our 2 mile walk. The air was finally cool and the town that we live in was silent. We walked happily..Mother was talking to herself and I was happily sniffing everything we walked by. Then it happened...BANG!!! A loud bang and a white flash. I of course immediately tinkled, and Mother dove to the ground and shouted "I don't want to die!!" Well as luck or whatever would have it, a cop drove by at that very moment and stopped. The Officer asked Mother what she was doing on the ground and why her dog was now across the street. I thought she was going faint!! HA HA HA!!
What a great Holiday!!!!

Hope the rest of you had as much fun as we did!!

Love Sir Oliver and Zeus

P.S.- This is Zeus...I would just like to say that I miss all the good stuff!!!

The Adventures of the Fur Kids: The Shower Incident

As told by Sir Oliver.

WOOF WOOF HUMANS!!!

My mother doesn't believe in using the air conditioner unless it is crazy hot outside. Well one day this past week it was particularly hot, well I thought it was hot. I was panting and drooling and that little ball of hair called Zeus thought this would be a perfect time to cuddle.

Well Mom decided that she was going to take a cool shower in order to feel better about the heat. So I looked at Zeus and said "Why should Mom be the only one who gets to cool down?" Zeus said "Rock and Roll little man!" So we waited and Mother turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature and then went in search of a clean towel in the spare room. MEOW!!!! Hey peeps it's King Zeus! So this giant ball of slobber turns and says run for it! So in we ran into the bathroom and right into the tub. I of course stayed toward the back of shower, but my friend Ollie the Silly plopped down right under the stream of water. We were happy as can be and then Mother came in and pulled back the curtain and screamed. That no good dog got so scared that he stepped on me on his way out of the tub. That lady wouldn't stop yelling and sprayed me! SHE SPRAYED ME!! WHAT??!!! We bolted out of that bathroom. Crazy woman!! I don't know what the big deal was anyway. I was hot.

Anyway from the bedroom we could hear her mumbling about the dog and cat fur that was now all over her tub and how all she wanted to do was take a nice cool shower. Well Ollie said "Enough is enough" I started singing "Enough is enough is enough..." And he barked at me. Whatever! This little dog got brave and marched right back into that bathroom and poked his head into the shower. It was like a scene from Jaws..can you hear the music bum bum..bum bum...well I heard the music and watched in awe and horror. One little brown head with silly looking ears just poked right around the shower curtain and slowly attempted to climb into the tub. Suddenly there was a scream and this crazy bubble monster came out of the shower! I don't know what happened next because everything happened so fast.

WOOF WOOF WOOF!!! The bubble monster attacked!! That is what happened. The bubble monster sounded alot like Mom but I was pretty sure that it had eaten her and now was going to eat us. I tried to run but the monster was quick and scooped me up by the collar. I barked and scrambled, but it was no use. That hideous bubble monster had me and was about to turn me into a bubble monster too. Zeus just meowed and tried to run under the bed, but the bubble monster picked up the mattress and just grabbed him up. We were trapped in the bathroom with this bubble monster. The bubble creature just kept screaming "If you two wanted to get a bath, I would have given you a bath. YOU ARE GETTING A BATH NOW! LOOK AT MY FLOOR, JUST LOOK AT MY FLOOR..." I couldn't hear the rest because all I heard was water and Zeus screaming.

All I know is that when this whole thing was over, that lady didn't even give me a treat. What is that about??!! I got her back though...lol I took my wet self right out to her living room and shook all the water off of me!! That just resulted in her going back into the bathroom and slamming the door while screaming " I AM CLOSING THIS DOOR FROM NOW ON! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

That was the best day EVER!!! Right on little Dog!!!

Peace Sir Oliver and Zeus

The Pittsburgh Pirates

SHAME ON YOU!!!

Nothing else needs to be said.

ARE YOU CRAZY SIR??

This past week I was lucky enough to catch a news segment about a man who threatened a school because his child received bad grades. To you Sir, I ask "ARE YOU CRAZY??"

I am not a parent, but I have parents and I have been a kid. So I feel completely qualified to speak out on this matter.

When I brought home my first "D", my Father's reaction was NOT to call the school and make terrorist type threats. Did a small time bomb go off in my house, yes, yes it did. But that time bomb was for me. Questions were asked. Questions like "What is going on?" "How did this happen?" "What is wrong?" and "How can I help you?"

These Sir are the questions you should have been asking your child. Not threatening to blow up and cause bodily injuries to the staff who is simply doing their job. If your son is failing it is not the teacher's fault entirely and threatening to hurt them just insanity.

What ever happened to checking up on your kids? Did you check his homework every night? Did you sit down with him and help him with his homework? What ever happened to Parent/ Teacher conferences? Did they have one and you just didn't go because you were under some crazy impression that your child is a genius? Or was there a baseball game on that you just couldn't miss? Or maybe it was guys night out at the bar and that certainly is more important than your child's education, right?

What values are you instilling in your child right now? Cause what I just learned from you is the following...that if I don't agree with a certain situation, then I should just make threatening phone calls. VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER!!!

STOP IT RIGHT NOW!! Skip that Pirate game (they are terrible anyway) and sit down with your child and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do. Take the time to find out why they are not doing well. Maybe your child has learning disability, maybe they need glasses, maybe they eat so much sugar that makes it impossible for them to concentrate, I don't know, but it is your job to figure it out. YOU ARE THE PARENT, YOU ARE THE EXAMPLE. And right now you are setting a very bad one.

I went to school and I can honestly say that I have had some teachers and professors who were less than overjoyed to be teaching. Which made classes boring and on the whole uninteresting, and how did I pass those classes? I passed because I had parents who took an interest in my learning abilities. They cared about my well being and my future. My parents pushed me to do the best I could do, and trust me I did not make that easy for them. I am the first to admit that I am not the brightest crayon in the box, but you know what with a little positive reinforcement I rose above those "D's" and got okay grades.

Here is an idea instead of threatening the people who only have your child's education in mind, try threatening your child. Do I mean threaten to blow up his/her bedroom or cause them bodily injury, no. I mean take that cell phone, computer, video game system, t.v. and what have you. Stop letting your child stay up until all hours of the morning because the Pirate Game went into extra innings or because a good movie is playing on Lifetime for Women. In still some discipline!!!!

Ask your child if they did their homework and then don't just take their word for it, but actually check it. Sure I hated being asked if I did my homework, and I always said "Yes" or "I don't have any" and then of course on the bus ride to school I was frantically doing my homework or in study hall. But things change when your parents ask that question and then say "Show me." SHOW ME= Fear in the heart of any child who has lied.

The point is instead of threatening, work with the teacher to figure out what the problem is with your child. Work with your child. The answers to your child's poor grade problem might shock you.

Thank you.